"THE POST-MUSICAL AGE"
In this post Y-2K universe all the music you ever knew will turn into some old shoot-off from last century. Last millennium! All your CDs are going to disintegrate. Music, and life in general, will be caked over with a big crust. The crust will consist of cell phones. That's why our staff here at the Brave New World Operational Center (BNWOC) has already begun laying the groundwork for a Music Rebellion.
The planned Jazz/rock uprising and provisional government will allow music and ART to exist and flourish once again -in the air and in outer space! To prepare for these earth shattering jazz/rock events Brave New World has begun a series of secret laboratory sessions where the intensely narrow focus has been to invent a whole new style of music everyday.
These new styles of music will then be secretly released into the general population, kind of like a musical virus. Thus begins Phase One.
A TYPICAL DAY AT JAZZ-ROCK HEADQUARTERS
When I wake up in the morning I have to brush all the broken glass and ashes off of my bedspread before I can get up. It serves to focus me on the coming jazz/rock day. After a couple of hot coffee facials, my staff and I are ready to plan the day's jazz/rock events: First, we do a morning of market research and focus group testing. We call this "Foodcast Beef Texture", and we are paid a lot of money to do it. We line up all the test participants against a metal wall with their hands tied behind their backs and then blast "Inner Mounting Flame", "Hell's Bells" and "Snake Oil" at 129 decibals. If the test subjects can still think rationally after the song is played we remove it from our programming list. It would be much too risky to have people walking around free and STILL ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT. Deaf testers are given a congratulatory box of California-style frozen chicken gizzards and sent packing. Note: If any part of any song is vaguely familiar to anyone in the galaxy, then that song will be erased from the main Star Fleet computer.
Next up is our daily stockholder's meeting: I am pleased to report yearly earnings of well over three thousand dollars, mostly from our successful chain of Jazz/Rock Trailer Parks. This means our infiltration campaign is working and we can proceed with our agenda: the slow Jazz/Rockification of the Universe. (It might also mean that a lot of jazz/rockers have started living in trailers.)
We break for our staff lunch, which usually consists of burnt toast and something that was attached to the bottom of the refrigerator. Then the rest of the day is spent excavating for seismic riffs and collasal big beats. And trying to get our wah-wah pedals and Prophet 5's to work. And trying to come up with halfway decent melodies. Every small bit of data we uncover goes into our Elliptical Jazz/Rock Database, to be retrieved when the final hour approaches. All for the good of humanity.
THE AGE OF FEAR DRAWS NEAR
What will the End of the World be like? The ground will crack open and, like Humpty Dumpty, we will all fall down, clutching our stomachs, coughing up our back molars and choking on our cell phones. But if we construct an edifice of Loud Excellence, humanity will easily survive something as insignificant as a global polarization shift. Also, beware of the Great Data Crash of the new century. Keep those Cassettes!! Remember that if the music we listened to was Sorry we will Suffer for all Eternity. Maybe even longer. Live Long and Loud, my jazz/rock brethren.
If you read this far, thank you for visiting my website.
Special thanks to my partners in crime: web designer John Pritchard and Iven Walters. Check back in the future for more regular updates and some video footage as well!!